How To Set Goals Without Being a Tyrant To Yourself

By Joel T. Sanders • Last updated on February 6th, 2019

The Moon provides a social setting for client goal-setting. That keeps our “inner tyrants” in check and allows us to be more objective and realistic.

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Video Transcription

Well hello there Moon Team fans! Joel Sanders here with another whiteboard session.

Today’s topic: how to set goals for yourself without being a tyrant to yourself.

And you know exactly what I mean by that because undoubtedly there’s been some maniac–you–who has come forward in your life and said you must do all of these things perfectly in this unending giant list of to do’s and items and you have to do everything perfectly within one week or you are trash! Right?

And so who wants to work for that kind of maniac? Nobody, right?

Remember: tyrants get overthrown.

And so goal setting all too often devolves into this ridiculous tyranny that is actually impossible.

And so that is why people give up on the gym at the end of January or they give up on all of their New Year’s resolutions within the first quarter of the year.

So there’s another process that is a much more sane process… a much kinder process to help create the life that we really want.

Because this is what it’s really all about right? It’s your life experience. The lived experience that you have day to day.

And to do this well, to understand what your lived experience is, you have to be able to articulate it well.

You have to be able to articulate accurately.

And you have to keep in mind that you’re not alone. You’re not living this life all by yourself. There are other people involved.

And actually this is the key to the whole thing: the people. And I’m going to get to that in a second.

But the first step is to accurately articulate where it is that you are now. What are the specific actions that you currently take that create your current life experience. Your income level.

Your family relationships your romantic relationships. What are the specific things that you’re doing?

Now whether or not you actually have a written list is irrelevant.

And even if you do have a written list, you have to think about this…you know, think about “what do I actually have written down that I’ve been intending to do?” and “What have I actually been doing?”

The most important one is the real list of what you’re actually doing to create your current life experience.

The second thing is is to accurately articulate what that life experience is. And what I see here are two problems.

I see people describing things way way better than are So they’re looking at the world through these rose colored glasses that are completely not real. And then on the other side of it people who are doom and gloomers, who talk about how awful everything is, right?

And we don’t want either of those two extremes. What we want to do is actually articulate things exactly as they are… objectively.

Now I tend to fall on the side of a little bit doom and gloomy. Like things aren’t good enough.

Like oh my gosh! You know life is going to hell in a hand basket.

And what that does is it creates this emotional state that doesn’t allow you to be creative.

It doesn’t allow you to be resourceful and think outside the box to try to create the new opportunities for yourself.

And so being able to accurately describe things not better than they are but not worse than they are but actually as they are is so freeing. To just calmly sit down and state the facts as they are.

Now, again, the social part of this is a secret here because sometimes you may describe what your life is all about and you may get a little bit doom and gloomy about it and it helps to talk to a friend or or somebody who’s going to help you dial that back a little bit and say, “Hey wait a minute, are things really that bad?”

Or if you’re talking about how awesome things are…maybe you’re talking about your career and you’re not seeing some of the obstacles that could be coming.

And so it’s really important to involve other people in this process because they help us become more articulate and more accurate.

You know humans are social creatures. If somebody gets locked away in solitary confinement for an extended period of time, it’s not that long really I think 30 or 60 days without talking or interacting with anyone…what happens?

They start to go crazy. People literally start to hallucinate they completely lose their minds. And if you leave people in solitary confinement long enough they literally will die, even if they have food and water and other resources.

Because our brains require human interaction.

And so, this is really what I’m getting at with this whole process is to create that new life experience, yes you need a different action list and you need a different combination of actions to create some new version of yourself in the future. and a whole bunch of different action lists could potentially get you there.

But the only way that you can really figure out if that new life experience is going to be real from this is if you have other people in your life who will kind of dial back your inner tyrant and help to up your accuracy level. And then help you to maintain that behavior over time.

And a lot of people know exactly what they should be doing, but the thing that’s missing is having people in their lives or some process in their life to help hold them accountable to creating this.

You may actually have already come up with the perfect action plan for yourself to create the life that you want but you haven’t been able to sustain it over time because you you’re missing one other piece of it which is having other people in your life to help hold you accountable.

So that’s all I wanted to share today.

Obviously the moon app is specifically set up to do all of this sort of thing so if you haven’t gotten involved with this if you don’t have a good group of people inside of the moon app get started you can reach out to us at just send us an email and we’re happy to get you started in The Moon.

And hey! Set some goals don’t be a tyrant, life your life. Thanks.

Posted in Achievement, Coaching, The Moon

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